He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
