I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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