I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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