I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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