When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
