Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
