So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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