she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
