mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
