What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
