I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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