I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
