Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
