I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
