I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
