My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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