Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
