It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
