She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
