Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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