I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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