How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
