Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
