Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need a beard to bite.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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