dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
