The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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