does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
