Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
