I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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