I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
