So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
