dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob