I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
