Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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