What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer