I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual