How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
