I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
