ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize