another moral hangover. fuck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
