i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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