tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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