im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
