I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
