I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.