i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i can juggle bunnies
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....