I wannas sexs uuuuu
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dating After Heartbreak
I think this conversation is over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.