Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
