$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?