Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Experience is the best teacher

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  (810): You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish (248): Experience is the best teacher http://tfl.nu/l23g
  Replies (2) Good night (1790) Bad night (737)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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  (250): I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can. http://tfl.nu/1tw1
  Replies (16) Good night (3260) Bad night (759)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.

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  (770): If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day. http://tfl.nu/zol0
  Replies (37) Good night (4084) Bad night (676)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

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  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (7140) Bad night (1111)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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  (704): Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some. http://tfl.nu/ntfp
  Replies (12) Good night (1307) Bad night (5347)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again

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  (+44): we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again http://tfl.nu/6h6m
  Replies (13) Good night (3708) Bad night (1054)
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  (760): View more from California

  i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.

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  (760): i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/v98w
  Replies (3) Good night (2240) Bad night (850)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.

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  (713): Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is. http://tfl.nu/q4lm
  Replies (4) Good night (4697) Bad night (940)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?

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  (617): The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow. (1-617): I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right? http://tfl.nu/ithm
  Replies (4) Good night (3146) Bad night (741)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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  (210): IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND. http://tfl.nu/ke4c
  Replies (21) Good night (2181) Bad night (572)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?

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  (505): I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet? http://tfl.nu/aavq
  Replies (9) Good night (1968) Bad night (790)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?

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  (570): Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear? http://tfl.nu/z5ck
  Replies (4) Good night (1048) Bad night (432)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

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  (816): Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on. http://tfl.nu/u2o1
  Replies (13) Good night (2050) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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  (845): then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy http://tfl.nu/hfvq
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (484)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick

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  (425): That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/9s4e
  Replies (3) Good night (745) Bad night (300)

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