SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"