you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"