do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants