for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This house was built for laser tag.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
