the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
