ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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