Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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