u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
