? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
