I think i peed on brittanys purse
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
