She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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