take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
