New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
where are you?
Hypothermia
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
