I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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