listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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