Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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