So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
