paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
