My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
