oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
