its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
