a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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