I just pynch a tree in the face
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
