i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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