i already hear my dad disowning me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
