I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
