Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
