morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
