we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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