im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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