I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
