Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
