You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
