I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
