We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
