He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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