What did we do last night that was yellow?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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