He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
