It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
