We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
