I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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