I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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