now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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